I miss you, Alan. I really do. I think about you a lot. And it's not that I have feelings for you. It's the fact that I've been attached to you, and the fact that we're not like the friends we were  before just breaks my heart...I miss you. So much. 

This semester is turning out so shitty...but why do I feel like this is to be expected? Why am I becoming so used to shit happening?

I'm getting so tired...how did I end up in this situation? Why did AO change? We were such good friends...he resents me now and can't bear to be near me. I'm tired of putting in the effort now...

This semester has been so hard...I want to cry but I can't because I'm starting to feel like I'm bound to lose everything I have and there's no point in getting attached anymore...

It just makes me sad to know that my mother was right...you can't invest so much into people because they'll only end up disappointing you.